Anne Bancroft Knew It All Along

Mel Brooks is a star.

Joyce Meyer Is Not Built For Guilt

One of God's very blessed spokespersons has this announcement for we who cannot hear Him by ourselves:

"God is the ultimate party planner and wants you to learn how to celebrate the victories in your life".

So tempts the teaser for Joyce Meyer's new read, Eat that Cookie. . .Buy those Shoes! wherein once again the ever-reliably left-brained Dave - Mr. Meyer - finds himself antagonist in the parable. Yes, Dave accidentally did it again; made the missus feel less than the perfect creature that God placed at his side. He did not do it on purpose, Dave was simply incapable of calculating weight comparisons of chocolate chip to golf ball. (I'll wager he's memorized the formula by now.) In ignorance of Joyce's stress level, Dave questioned her taking 1/3 of a chocolate chip cookie from a serving tray when cookies were not permitted on their joint diet plan. Thankfully God had pre-positioned a right-brained conduit at Joyce's other side who quickly assured Joyce that she deserved the cookie and not only that, she deserved a new pair of shoes, too. Joyce explains on page 4 of her book:

"My friend rescued me from the guilt that could have hounded me that day, and I am thankful to God for using her. I didn’t need guilt as I approached the final session of the convention. I needed the cookie and the thought of shoes later that day!"

Well by God there we have it. A simple solution straight from Him, through the anonymous friend to Joyce, then on to the publishers, and into our shopping cart. For an approximate twenty bucks we can get a glimpse of how Joyce manages to avoid guilt in the face of accusations which on the surface appear justified. God has been relentless in his testing of Joyce's response to guilt but due to legal constraints she is unable to pass along the lessons from her really big trials. Heaven knows what relief efforts were required to assuage the after-effects from the 70 deaths at the 2001 Destiny Crusade in the Philippines, the five children who died in 2006 on a church picnic, and the three who died at the hands of a ministry employee in 2009 (and there was this in 2003). Seems to me Rick Ross Institute slimmed down its articles archive but a timeline remains that emphasizes the financial controversies of Joyce Meyer Ministries. It is an impressive list of victories courtesy of (on faith we say this) the ultimate party-planner.

God loves Joyce Meyer so much that he allowed the devil to take sacrifices from her flock and strike extreme blows to the ministry's finances. Meyer prevailed but her victories were the result of advanced spiritual techniques that will not be taught to, because they can not be understood by, even the least fleeced. That's why God gave us parables - like the one about the smart cookie.

The End Again

We are living in the end times again. Code-cracking and story-telling are big bidness, as Molly Ivins might have said.

Seems like only yes2K the end was really, truly, nearly at hand but here we are poised to greet the next late great planet earth date in 2012. The Mayan long count calender seems to be the ringleader behind the 2012 culprits but one big fat overlooked fact is that the Mayan calendar restarts again. The Mayan end date of 21 December 2012 is no different in concept than the Gregorian calendar end date of 31 December 2012. 2013 calendars are already coming off the presses somewhere in a low-wages community and the Mayans left instructions on how to continue using their calendar system after 21 December 2012.

The Mayan's 2012 astronomical projections are not scientifically disseminated on the public's behalf. We get a NatGeo looks at, the History Channel investigates and Sci-fy explores the Mayans and 2012. All unresolved speculation. Bernaysism dictates that all tripe for public consumption shall be served with music, commercial breaks and whenever possible, live re-enactments and computer models. God forbid PBS air a Royal Astronomical Society lecture on 2012 alignments - someone other than the royally anointed might catch wind of what's going on up there in the heavens.

There's little doubt that catastrophe will hit planet earth and even less doubt that folks with fantastic amounts of wealth have made arrangements to survive. Surely some inner court scribe has written a how-to on modifying a castle's dungeon playroom to meet survivalist benchmarks. Those of us without castle are instructed by court jesters on how to duck and cover or duct-tape and cover, depending on the attack type.

This end times has a new flavor - aliens. Good ones and bad ones of course; fighting for causes here, up there and in other times and dimensions. Just like the angels and demons of old only better and smarter. One man, Zechariah Sitchin, has managed to kick off an entire subculture of spiritual gurus preaching aliens incoming. Sitchin issued a translation of a portion of the Sumerian tablets which boils down to this: The Annunaki are an alien race from the planet Nibiru which orbits the sun every 3600 years. The Annunaki genetically manipulated homo erectus for the purpose of creating slaves to mine gold. They are the gods who set up the divine right to rule system so as to maintain ties to humanity. Sitchin's scholarship has been called into question and recently Kerry Cassidy made the passing remark on-air that she had it on good authority that some of Sitchin's work was channeled. Channeling is like hearing the voice of god or his angels except that it is aliens speaking. Best case scenario, Sitchen heard directly from an Annunaki and a debatable translation ensued.

As the tide of prosperity recedes and Americans respond to the call to sacrifice and swallow pride, let it not be said we weren't offered a little comfort for the way down, eh? Nothing like imagining it will all be over soon and the good guys win.

DG: Helping the Poor Help the Unfortunate

Having tendered a $20 bill for a $1 item plus .08 tax, I put out my hand for the Dollar General cashier to give me the change.

"Ten, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen", he said. With that, he ended the count, took his hand full of my 92 cents, poised it over top of a money jar and smilingly suggested rather than asked that I agree to the donation. I said no and placed my hand between his and the money jar lest there be a slip. Disappointed resignation registered on his face as he allowed the coins to drop in my hand. One has to wonder if the clerk was trained or a natural.

Having rescued my change, I looked at the jar on the cluttered counter to see what the collection was for. The sign said "Learn to Read" and "Donate Your Change". Next to the jar was a pamphlet saying the same thing with the Dollar General Logo and an image of a kind adult reading to a curious child. At the web page related to the promo there is an image of a young healthy female adult, reading. Next to this are printed bullets for grant information. There's also a moving story in there somewhere about the original owner being an educationally-challenged entrepreneur.

One wonders how there can possibly be an illiteracy problem in the United States of America, given that public school education has been compulsory since 1918 (Mississippi was the last state to adopt the mandate.) Putting a fine point on this, first-grade assessment tests require the student to recognize "sight words". If a student can not read the practice assessment test, a specialist is summoned immediately (by policy if not by legislation). This holds true for each grade level following.

As far as the campaign being useful as a "read more" mission to the citizens. . . don't make me laugh. Read what - romance novels and guides for dummies on sale at Dollar General?

Collecting change is one of the best methods of sucking it out of us poor suckers. Furthermore, it's cash . . . off the books, into coin-counting machines, then dispensed through the aether of non-profit administration. The bonus: There is light skim on heavy metal, the clerks can't steal too much without making a lot of noise.

One could expect no better performance from those wild and crazy speculators from back in the day, KKR, now handlers of Dollar General (and the inspiration for the James Garner classic, Barbarians at the Gate).

Dollar General's recent history a la Wiki:

On July 6, 2007, all shares of Dollar General stock were acquired by private equity investors for $22.00 per share. An investment group consisting of affiliates of Kohlberg Kravis Roberts (KKR), GS Capital Partners (an affiliate of Goldman Sachs), Citigroup Private Equity and other co-investors completed an acquisition of Dollar General Corporation for a total enterprise value of $7.3 billion.^[3]

As a part of the transition to a privately held company, Dollar General is assessing each location as leases run out against a model known as "EZ Stores". This assessment includes evaluating whether the location has a loading dock, garbage dumpsters, adequate parking, and acceptable profitability. Stores that do not pass this evaluation are relocated or closed. Over 400 stores have been closed as part of this initiative.^[4]

In August 2009, the company announced it will file for an initial public offering, turning the company, again, into a publicly traded corporation.^[5] Although the timing of the Initial Public Offering (IPO) was not announced by Dollar General or KKR, Dollar General filed on August 20, 2009 for an initial offering of up to $750 Million^[6] The return of Dollar General to public ownership has been estimated to deliver up to a 30% increase in value to KKR over the two-year period it will have been private, making it a rare gem in KKR's current portfolio.

Prior to going public on 20 August (HBM) 2009, notice of good times ahead was signaled by marketing researchers Retail Forward and highlighted by Sarah M. Jones of the Chicago Tribune on 9 May 2009:

Nearly half of all U.S. households shop at dollar stores each month, up from 36% in 2002, according to Retail Forward, a Columbus, Ohio, market research firm. Shoppers of all income levels are walking through the doors.

Jones' article finished up with the really, really good news:

The three biggest dollar store chains all reported sales gains at stores open at least a year, a key metric of retail health, even as retail sales industry-wide fell.

So-called same-store sales at Dollar General Corp., the largest of the three, rose 9.4% for the fiscal quarter that ended Jan. 30. At Family Dollar Stores Inc., the No. 2 dollar store, same-store sales rose 6.4% for the fiscal quarter that ended Feb. 28. And at Dollar Tree Inc., same-store sales for the fiscal quarter that ended May 2 climbed 9.2%.

At the same time, all three chains are expanding. Dollar General plans to open 450 stores this year. And Family Dollar and Dollar Tree plan to open more than 200 each.

So, let's get this straight: When KKR purchased Dollar General they closed 400 stores and transitioned to a private enterprise. Two years later KKR put DG back on the public market and promised to open 450 new stores. Hunh.

Perhaps barbarians do change armor but they won't get my coins for their smelting operations and tax write-offs. If anyone is going to roll coins and get a tax credit, better I than they. If my donations are so paltry as to be useful only in a pooled fund, then I'd prefer to simply pass it on to a natural person closer to home - maybe to a young child's piggy bank or a sidewalk performer or a local community effort. Maybe even tipping the pizza guy an extra buck.

KF-less at the LoC

Well, I missed the maiden voyage of the Twitter archive to the Library of Congress.

Theoretical Disengagement

It has been said that when a topic presents itself repeatedly, one should take a look into the matter. Dropping out of the rat race is the subject that has been cropping up lately. While the idea sounds workable in theory, there are areas which the promoters of this lifestyle fail to address. One such promoter, a chap called Freeman, has two excellent examples of dropping out; the first is his own story and the second the story of an unnamed businessman.

Freeman's story is one of an individual who never joined the work force. He attended college but the hows and whys of that are unclear. He tells of setting out (sometime in the 1980s probably) in his van with juggling sticks, a spotted dog and no plans other than to experience creation. His was an adventure of good times with good people. Five years ago, one of those good people gave him the money to buy some television air time. He has been on the air (radio or television) ever since. He says that he has no job other than his service to the cause, so to speak.

Freeman's related story of the businessman was one of a chap who was once a loyal and dedicated company sort. One day the businessman saw a light and quit his job. The businessman now has an organic garden and peace of mind.

So . . . how does Freeman keep himself fed, and who pays for the water to keep the businessman's tomato plants thriving?

The big blind spot in the drop-out success stories is the fact that money or its equivalent can not be done away with. Freeman says he got in a van and followed the wind, being fed and sheltered along the way by good people. Well now, those good people had to have food and shelter to share - which means the offer was made by ones with a job or money. (Freeman gives no indication that he stayed on skid rows with bums.) Did the good people put gas in Freeman's van? Feed his dog? Let him shower and do a load of laundry, maybe make a few phone calls (no money, no phone, right?). Who paid for his vehicle's registration, inspection and insurance? Freeman says he still doesn't have a job. But he has roommates. How is that possible? Are they or someone else paying his share or is it paid by website sales of his DVDs ? How did Freeman pass the Paypal account application process?

Similar question pop up with the businessman's story. A garden requires property. Who's paying the property taxes? Who's paying for water, plant food, the gardening tools and equipment? Presumably the businessman himself using the money he previously earned. Otherwise he would be homeless without a garden to call his own.

The flaw in the dropping out fantasy is this: Few can do it because there are bills to pay and the only acceptable payment method is earned, inherited, borrowed, gifted, or stolen money-credit. Freeman survives on the generosity of others; the businessman presumably on his savings. Dropping out of the system has worked for both of them because they maintain access to funds. I'd venture to guess that neither one had children to provide for, school authorities to answer to, or family health problems requiring ongoing treatment. Had they dropped out with any of those circumstances and no income, their butts would be circulating through the social services system - which is where most drop outs find themselves.

I'm not picking on Freeman, he just happened to provide good examples for this discussion. I enjoy his high weirdness research and his hippie outlook. Also, if I'm not mistaken, in one of his earlier videos Freeman mentioned that his free-traveling lifestyle was accommodated by folks with income and was not available for everyone.

You Gotta Be Kiddin' Me

Dow tops 11,000 on profit bets

NEW YORK (Reuters) - The Dow industrials closed above 11,000 for the first time in almost 19 months on Monday as expectations of solid first-quarter earnings spurred buying in financial, energy and industrial sectors. (Emphasis added.)

Who Knows?

Rense contributor J. Speer-Williams wrote a piece entitled "Must We Love A Wrathful God?". The article was followed by an apologetic written by Alton Raines, also a regular Rense contributor.

Williams' Christian childhood was a parade of bruisings from his father, following which he was required to hug his father and say "I love you". He ponders whether his confusion between love and fear was really necessary.

Raines hasn't a clue what Williams' endured as a child but that doesn't stop him from waxing holy. His rebuttal begins:

There are consequences for our actions in this life, why should it be any different with God? Now an earthly father, a fallible creature, may or may not dispense proper or appropriate punishment, and that, like all things under chaos, under sin, will also come into judgement. But that judgement will be by Almighty God who is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent and infallible, perfect and holy. What possible worry could anyone have over the judgement of God if one has a contrite heart about wrong doings? Yes, when an earthly father disciplines or chastizes, it can be a dreadful thing, knowing he is a fallible judge. Nonetheless, apart from literal abuse, I believe it is a healthy and good thing resulting in proven moral character.

Following this, Raines commences to preachin' 'bout the perfect nature of God. Raines ends by telling us he was raised Christian without the bruises and therefore suffers not from the "confusion" inflicted upon Williams - which Raines describes as "unfortunate".

"Unfortunate" isn't even a tip of the iceberg and the word itself implies unworthiness. Williams was repeatedly abused - mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually - by an adult member of a Christian congregation. How many members of the Church saw signs of abuse and remained silent? Did anyone speak with the pastor? How about the school authorities? I myself was interrupted in the girls' gym shower at age 17 by another student who began screaming when she saw the bruises on my body. Knowing that telling the truth in this instance was not the Catholic way of honoring one's father and stepmother, I made up an elaborate story for the gym teacher and the principal. Case closed, no parent contacted. It was my first grown-up masterpiece of deception; created purely out of fear to protect adults and save myself from few hits for being so stupid as to get caught.

Williams knows what I am talking about. Raines does not.

By adding Raines' remarks to Williams' essay, Rense was probably trying to present a balanced view of "God" - given the title of the piece and keeping in mind Rense's journalistic style of adding comments when he perceives an imbalance. However, Raines grew up in a loving stable Christian home believing that justice is meted out to the unfortunates and the perpetrators at or after death. We the unfortunates find little comfort in this belief which abides cruelty to children.

The added comment was probably well-intentioned but definitely off the mark.

Two of the Four Horsemen Pony Up

Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens have commissioned barrister Geoffrey Robertson to slap the pope with the Pinochet solution. Dawkins alone captured the headline; the whys of that circumstance being unclear since Hitchens is anything but publicity shy. The accompanying "Atheist Campaigner" photo of Dawkins is half-way poetic in its presentation of an unsmiling heathen. One may admire the restraint shown by the Times by not including scary photos of Hitchens and the Pope, which are surely close at hand in its files. One may not admire the Times' penchant for fabrication of a quote with its headline of 'I will arrest Pope Benedict XVI'. Dawkins said no such thing and he can do no such thing.

The other two horsemen, Dan Dennett and Sam Harris, appear not to be a part of this caper. The Four Horsemen - Dawkins, Dennett, Harris and Hitchens - were so named at the taped conclusion of what seemed to have been their individual nine-eleven aftermath tours. They aimed steadily at the religious zealotry of the Muslim hijackers, brushing past those aspects of the hijackers' behavior which didn't square with "religious" - like the strip club and the careless treatment of their holy book(s). Dawkins angles from the Darwinian perspective; Dennett from his philosophical studies of consciousness; Harris from that of young, eager brilliance; and Hitchens from the opposing corner of any religion. Since the video was filmed in 2007, Harris earned his PhD in neuroscience and seems headed for a journalistic career, which is Hitchens' forte. Dawkins and Dennett are authors as well but remain solidly anchored to their academic positions; Dawkins at Oxford and Dennett at Tufts.

Depending on how much money they are willing to invest, the two horsemen may be able to illuminate some of the diplomatic loopholes in the Vatican city-state structure and papal immunity constraints. Should this legal maneuver escalate beyond the feather-ruffling stage, a fresh look at ancient prophecies will be in order.

Support the Troops

There's a fresh uproar in the blogosphere regarding a video of U.S. soldiers allegedly engaged in misconduct of a dreadful sort. Kate A tackles the particulars.

Wow.

One of my befriended neighbors in the apartment building is a college student who has familiarized me with the computer game World of Warcraft (WoW). I'm by no means able to take the controls – nor do I care to. I enjoyed costuming the characters from the peanut gallery and have been dazzled by the computer graphics. Everything else related to the game I view with curious skepticism; the rules, the storyline and the other players.

WoW's rules are standard issue: Pay-to-Play, Earn Points destroying beings who deserve to die or who asked for it (“Raids”). Use Points to buy stuff; sachels, magic potions, armor, gear, and even little tag-a-long pets. Become High Scorer.

When it comes to fairy tales, myths and legends, WoW gets the gold star for having done its homework. Anyone can be an elf, a shaman, a witch or a warrior reagent with powers beyond those of mortal humans – if one pays, plays and stays long enough to hatch a compulsion of course. Not your mindless game of solitaire from where I've been sitting. One easily slips into the cyber reality of WoW, especially if the game is being played on a large screen computer. The audio and visual effects are mesmerizing.

Down at the nitty gritty level of WoW one finds the other players aka the other characters. Raids are done in teams of several – these monsters/creatures/targets are mighty powerful. There are a few one-on-one type battles but there aren't many points to be gained from those efforts. And no glory, either. And no marks. Found myself becoming a mark from the side chair the other day – I was the one marked Outraged. Two of the players began discussing the swinging lifestyle. Player One was encouraging Player Two to give it a try. Player One shared that his wife was bisexual and that they hooked up with a school teacher who was really hot and who he got to screw. Upon hearing that last bit of information, this mark's mouth started running involuntarily. I began arguing with someone who was unable to hear a word I was saying. Arguing passionately for discretion when it comes to public announcements of private activities, particularly of a sexual nature and in mixed company (which there was). My young friend shrugged and said “live and let live”.

What cans of worms have we opened by permitting privacy to become obsolete?